One of the hardest things about owning a cattery is hearing from a customer that a member of their cat family has died. Even months afterwards, they often apologise for the waver in their voice and the tears.
There is no need at all to apologise.
When a cat dies, you lose a unique individual. Just like the humans in your family, that cat had its own funny ways and vocal tricks that will be missing from your life from now on. One owner told us that his first cat used to run to meet him when he arrived home from work – when he turned off the motorcycle engine and dismounted, she’d leap up onto the pillion seat and sit there while he wheeled the bike into the garage. Every time he wheeled his bike into the garage for months after her death, he was reminded that he’d lost his little pillion passenger.
It’s made all the harder by guilt. You let your cat out to play and it was killed on the road, or your cat was ill and you agreed to a vet’s suggestion that the kindest thing was to put the cat to sleep. Maybe if you hadn’t let the cat out – or said no to the vet and taken her home…
These are my thoughts, and just consider them if you are grieving for a cat.
It isn’t your fault that your cat has died. Everything that lives, dies eventually. Cats run across roads without considering what dangers are approaching, and they get away with it every time except the last time. They fight or hunt creatures more vicious or venomous than themselves. Cats have almost all the ills that humans do – kidney disease, heart problems, cancers. If a vet has told you that the kindest option is to have your cat put to sleep, you can be sure that the vet has considered anything that can be done instead. If you agreed, you made the hardest and the most loving decision any pet owner can make, and let the cat leave this world as gently as possible.
Cats aren’t aloof – they form friendships with people and people form friendships with cats. They are in your care and a part of your family, and it’s only right to grieve when they’re gone. There are ways to let out that sense of loss. Cats Protection offer a telephone support service, and a Grief Wall where you can post memories of your cat. Talk to friends who understand (don’t get upset if they don’t understand – remember, it wasn’t their cat). Above all, remember the happiest times you spent with the cat, and how much fun the cat had in its life.
Don’t let the grief overtake everything in your life – there’s work to do. If you have other cats, spend time with them. They will notice that someone has gone missing from the house, and they may be listless or worried. Play with them, give them treats and attention, enjoy their company. If you don’t have other cats, you might decide to give the cat-food and bowls and litter away to a rescue charity or to a friend or neighbour who is struggling with the rising cost of feeding their own pet.
Above all – do not ever feel guilty about adopting another cat. It’s not a replacement, or a sign that you’ve forgotten. You’ve decided that life goes on for the living – you’re giving a new cat the benefit of your knowledge and affection for cats.
You know we’ll be delighted to meet them.
